Random observations from a TamBrahm wedding

The following is a compilation of some of my tweets during my recent trip to Chennai for a wedding…a TamBrahm wedding. They have been selected from many more tweets that I tweeted from my other ID – @beastoftraal.

Warning: Some/many of the words/phrases can be comprehended only if you’re clued in to TamBrahm culture – don’t blame me; find a TamBrahm friend instead, to decipher them.

At least 4 adults and 3 kids trip on TV, video cables in every TamBrahm wedding hall – WHO stats (Link)

The most powerful and vocal of all at a TamBrahm wedding – no, not groom’s dad – is the photo/videographer. Always gets his way. (Link)

Immediately after the groom ties the thaali, the shashtrigal announces that no one should shake hands with groom. The opposite happens. (Link)

Getty melam over. No one sought permission from Getty Images, I was told. (Link)

Number of people waving at somebody and the chances of the wrong people waving back is very, very high in a TamBrahm wedding. (Link)

There comes a time in a TamBrahm wedding, when a tired faction forms a rival queue to reach Bride & Groom from another side. Piquant. (Link)

The most inedible item in a TamBrahm reception grub is the ‘paan’. Your tongue & teeth get pwned as you try eating it. (Link)

The most common form of addressing, question and quip in a TamBrahm wedding is, ‘Theriyardha?’ (Know who I am?). (Link)

One of the serving guys addressed me as ‘Mama’. Angrily told him I prefer Sir. He misunderstood & sent me a baasundi 😐 (Link)

There’ll be a trusted family member behind the bride & groom’s elaborately decked up throne, sorting gifts and cheques. (Link)

The bride & groom’s memory about complete strangers and long lost relatives is being refreshed at 7 people per second. (Link)

The gift giving-video posing queue was rudely interrupted by a lady serving colored, semi chilled liquid. (Link)

One of the side attraction is the bhel puri, paani puri stand. They add curry leaves along with coriander, to retain the Tamil flavor 😉 (Link)

Thankfully this wedding hall doesn’t have that hideous chocolate liquid fountain overflowing with tasteless chocolate crap. (Link)

There are more people here that I can feasibly say hi to and interact with. Relative reception overload. (Link)

Posing for a video camera, like a statue, for 15 seconds is epic Tam wedding trait. (Link)

And there are about 80 people in a queue towards the hapless to-be-wedded-tomorrow couple. 98% have clocks as gifts. (Link)

There must be a gazillion people in this wedding hall, making a complete mockery of the already demotivated air conditioning system. (Link)

There’s no worse sin in a TamBrahm wedding than lethargic supply of 2nd appalam. Can break families. (Link)

Vaadhyaar uttered a ‘Mama mama mama…’ sounding mandhram that invokes all uncles in the hall, it seems. (Link)

Groom in mandatory coat-suit, provided by bride family. Bride in colorful, flowing silkworm grave, courtesy Chennai Silks and groom family. (Link)

Aiming for first pandhi in this wedding. Palpable excitement over multi-course kalyana saappaadu & vague brand vanilla ice cream. (Link)

There are more kids in this wedding hall than a nursery school. Helping them one by one atop 10 chair piles! (Link)

This kalyana mandapam will definitely increase my threshold for decibel tolerance. (Link)

‘Palapalakkara’ blaring in car. My son & bro-in-law’s daughter causing a ruckus. A vaideega brahmanan in front seat feeling miserable! (Link)

I’m facing an onslaught of known, unknown, don’t want to know relatives. Minus 6 degrees of separation? (Link)

If Chennai’s 4 seasons are hot, hotter, hottest and ‘look ma, my matter has fully melted’, why the F do people have geysers in bathroom? (Link)

TamBrahm weddings are the most intrusive, crowded, tiring and exasperating affairs known to man. The food makes it up, however. (Link)

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